16 Problems Every Twentysomething Bridesmaid Understands

On September 11, 2014 by marrywear
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1. Showers. “I can’t wait to go to my friend’s bridal shower” is a thing no one has ever said. Because sitting in a circle around a woman unwrapping immersion hand blenders isn’t exactly the top way most twentysomethings want to spend a Saturday afternoon.

2. Being forced to spend $300 on a dress you don’t like, feel gross in, and will never wear again. And then to recoup the costs you have to try to eBay it. On the bright side, you know another poor sister in your very position is getting a slightly better deal on this thing.

3. Having to buy shoes you’ll never wear again to go with the dress you’ll never wear again. Especially when the dress is long and you can’t even see the shoes! Because #ThatMakesSense #NoItDoesNot.

4. Ditto huge-ass chandelier earrings. Or something else you would never wear.

5. Not being able to talk to your engaged friend about anything except her wedding for the year leading up to it. If it’s not the escort cards, it’s the seat covers, and if it’s not the seat covers, it’s the escort cards. Never have you previously in your friendship ever discussed either seat covers or escort cards. Or floral arrangements. Maybe silver shoes. But definitely not glass wear.

6. Being asked your opinion but never being listened to. “I love the champagne seat covers!” “You know, I decided to go with the silver seat covers. Thanks so much for having four 20-minute conversations with me about it though!”

7. Having to wear your hair the way the bride wants it. You want to wear it down. She cannot fathom anything but a chignon. Well, this isn’t infantilizing or anything!

8. Being asked — nay, expected! — to spend thousands of dollars on one wedding. There’s the bridal shower gift, the engagement party gift, the bachelorette party in Miami, the wedding in Chicago, the dress, the shoes, the wedding gift. You’re happy to be there for a girl on her wedding day, but you’re not Beyoncé and there are most definitely passengers on your plane.

9. Having to bite your tongue when your friend complains about ReGiStErInG*~. You’re getting a bunch of awesome presents. You want to tell her not to complain but you’re being SuPpOrTiVe*~. Isn’t at least this part fun?

10. Being micromanaged when you try to plan a trip or party. Isn’t the whole point of your help with the shower for la bride to not have to deal with it? Like, if you chose white cupcakes instead of pink ones, is that actually worth her writing you five emails about? Especially when she has seat covers to manage?

11. Getting yelled at when you had no idea that thing that seemed small and not a big deal was actually a huge deal in the first place. If she needed you three hours before the rehearsal dinner instead of one but didn’t tell you, there’s no way for you to know. You know getting married is stressful and you’re there to help, but you are not a mind reader. This is a wedding, not the movie Inception, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

12. Having to do a last-minute activity on the wedding weekend that costs way more than it should. Like a yoga retreat the bride just “needs, like, so bad” for her sanity. Or a brunch at the Ritz hotel she’s staying at where the smoothies cost $14.

13. Having to do ridiculous things for wedding photos. Repeat after me: I vow to never make my bridesmaids jump in the air for my wedding photos. Or twerk. Or perform whatever ridiculous meme of the moment happens to be happening.

14. Avoiding tan lines all summer so you “look good” in your strapless dress. Otherwise the bride will accuse you of ruining her vision with your tan lines. You budgeted for the Vegas trip but you did not budget for an extra strapless bikini. (Of all things.)

15. Being treated like a personal assistant to a highly demanding celebrity. I will bustle your dress, I will pick that twig off your veil, I will even go to Las Vegas with you on a holiday weekend. But I would prefer not to steam the groomsmen’s linen suits. I would prefer not to spend the day before the wedding on this beautiful island stuffing welcome bags. And I will not dye my hair so that you’re the only blonde at the altar. R E S P E C T.

16. Having to talk about your friend’s wedding for a year after the wedding. You can still be a bridezilla when you’re a Married.

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